so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
