I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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