when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Small penises have feelings too.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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