What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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