you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
