So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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