Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
