Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
