I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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