I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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