Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
