Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
