sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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