Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
