Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Randomize
