i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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