i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
