Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
In other news, I just burned my penis
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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