I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
