HIV tests are more positive than that guy
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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