i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
