We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I need to calm my uterus...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
