Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
the liver wants what the liver wants
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize