when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
