I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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