they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
