Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
