12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
