your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
