We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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