I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
