My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
