she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
