weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
