he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
