alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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