Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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