Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
