well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Randomize
