after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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