Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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