I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
