Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
