Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
wow bdsm is so cute
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
