Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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