I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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