he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
