capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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