Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
