im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
