Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
