I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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